You idiot!

Getting drunk in Saratoga Springs is gonna get a lot easier in 2012

2012-02-11T18:19:00.003-05:00

Remember waaaaaay back on January 4, 2011 we told you about the possibility of Saratoga Springs getting a beer garden?

Your Friday rumors

2012-02-10T12:02:00.006-05:00

Everyone loves a rumor. It makes for good fodder.

1) Virgils Coffee Shop will soon be saying sayonara. At least that's the rumor we're hearing. And it could be true. They recently changed their "no technology" policy, which means they are looking to attempt to bring in new business. We've always thought the no technology thing was stupid. The fucking place uses technology to take your money and keep things refrigerated, so why can't I answer my freaking phone or surf the web.

2) We may be getting ANOTHER health food place in Saratoga Springs. Yes, other than Healthy Living Nature Market. Details on this rumor are pretty vague, but our eyes and ears on the street tells us the place will be a "cafe" style health food joint with foodies in mind. Not sure how that'll work, but either way, we hope it's true. It's like health food stores are becoming the new pizza shops of Saratoga Springs. Which isn't a bad thing..because Saratoga..how do we say this....you're getting fat.

3) Sangwych has officially shut their doors and we've heard everything from New Way Lunch Hot Dogs (popular in Glens Falls) to BBQ from Troy, NY.

4) Pizza Works on Henry Street could be goners.

5) A very popular NYC eatery is planning on moving into the new Price Chopper plaza. Again, it's a rumor. Not sure how much truth is behind it.

The IKEA of health food stores is officially coming

2012-02-10T10:38:00.007-05:00

Hey there. Remember back when we reported the rumor that The Healthy Living Natural Food Market was coming to Saratoga Springs based on an email from an individual who we will keep anonymous? Well guess what jerks....that rumor is true.....Hell yeah bitchesssss...suck it!!!! Thanks to Mamatoga for confirming to the world that we are not a bunch of dumb fucks talking out of our asses.

The store will be located at the Wilton Mall in the old JC Penny's location, along with the new Global Fitness gym. Construction begins this summer with an opening date around mid-winter.

Is that the shifter?

2012-02-08T14:39:00.006-05:00

Hey Saratogians, Valentines Day is right around the corner and instead of suggesting a bunch of places to take your loved one for a stupid sappy romantic dinner that will most likely end up in a fight, we're gonna suggest something that will put a little spark back into that boring old relationship of yours.....

The best public places in Saratoga Springs to have car sex!

1) Behind Kings Tavern next to the dumpster - Go during the weekday when they don't have events. Get your car as close to the back of the building and near the dumpster to conceal yourself from the fuzz.

2) Gidean Putnam parking lot - Park your car in the lot closest to SPAC and make sure you park in between the lamp posts, it's not as lit up. And if you get busted just tell them your guests at the hotel on your wedding anniversary.

3) Skidmore College parking lot - Enter the college from Broadway, take the first right onto the campus main road, then take the second right into a sketchy looking parking that has construction equipment, remove clothes, have sex!

4) The parking lot on Division Street, across from Clinton Street, behind the white building - That parking lot was made for fucking.

5) Upper Phila Street (Between Henry and Circular) - The street is barely lit on that part of Phila and the people who live in the neighborhood are cool enough that they won't give a shit if the car is a rockin.

6) The ally behind The Local - The ally is a bit of a tight squeeze, and hopefully that won't be the only thing that's tight.

7) Hearth and Harvest parking lot - Pizza then sex or sex then pizza. Either way, it's a win win situation.

8) Malta Drive In - This one is seasonal, so it won't do you much good for the upcoming Valentines Day. Perhaps you can give a coupon that promises nookie during a double feature. And seriously? Does anyone actually go to watch the movies?

9) Racino parking lot - It's a huge lot with no lights. Fuck like crazy.

10) Add your own personal spot here.

Fuck you, cancer

2012-02-07T12:24:00.004-05:00

If you're like any Saratogian, you've probably spent some time at Gaffney's at one point or another. How could you not? Gaffney's has been a staple of downtown Saratoga Springs life for many many years. I know the IBI team has spent countless hours there rooting for our favorite sport teams while drinking way too many drinks. Every time we've been there, the staff as well as the owners have always been incredibly kind to not just us, but to anyone who enters the doors. Go on a Sunday and you'll see the table full of free finger foods. It's not for regulars, it's for anyone who comes in. That's the kind of place it is. Sadly the owners of Gaffney's, Kim Smith and her husband Scott, have been battling Scott's brains cancer for the last two years and the financial burden is taking it's toll on them. On Sunday February 12, there will be a fundraiser held at Gaffney's. 20 local musicians and many local businesses are coming together to help raise some money. This is a good cause folks. Whatever it is you have scheduled, either cancel or just take some time and head to Gaffney's. Your efforts and donation will be greatly appreciated. Let's all come together and help out a fellow Saratogian.

Tickets will be sold at the door, for $10 a person. Donations can be dropped off at Impressions of Saratoga, 368 Broadway or Gaffney's at 16 Caroline St., c/o John Baker, with checks payable to The Scott Smith Fund.

Call Erin Anthony at 309-4549 if you need more information.

Here’s the schedule of entertainment planned for Sunday:

Gaffney's Starting Gate Music

2:00 - 2:25 Ubuntu
2:35 - 3:00 Trevor English & Frankie
3:10 - 3:35 Low 'N Lonesome ~ Phil Drum & Rob Adkins
3:45 - 4:10 Dance Mansion Duo ~ Marcus Ruggiero w/Brian Kelley
4:20 - 4:45 Chris Carey
4:55 - 5:20 Justin Joyner of Gravity
5:30 - 5:55 Steve Candlen
6:05 - 6:30 Jeff Brisbin

Gaffney's Upstairs Music

1:00 - 1:25 Matt McCabe
1:35 - 2:00 Mikki Bakken & Brian Gibney of The Fighting 86's
2:10 - 2:35 George Fletcher & Folding Money
2:45 - 3:10 Erin Harkes
3:20 - 3:45 New Shoes Blues
3:55 - 4:20 Rick Rourke & Lost Wages
4:30 - 4:55 Acoustic Circus
5:05 - 5:30 Johnny & The Triumphs
5:40 - 6:05 Sirsy
6:15 - 6:40 Richie Ortiz
6:50 - 7:15 Garland Nelson
7:25 - 8:00 Big Medicine & Friends

Chowderfest winners and 10 things we wish we knew before going to Chowderfest

2012-02-06T09:16:00.007-05:00

The same minds that either voted for or against Barack Obama have now chosen the best chowders in the Saratoga Springs region. Congrats to the 2012 Chowderfest winners.

People's Choice Winner: The Seven Horse Pub
Best On-Broadway Winner: Cantina
Best Off-Broadway Winner: The Seven Horse Pub
Best Non-Downtown Winner: Longfellows Restaurant
Best Newcomer: The Saratoga Springs Fire Department
Best Chowder-themed Desert: Bettie's Cake
Most Chowder Served: The Parting Glass

The IBI team spent a good part of Saturday standing in lines waiting to sample all the different chowders out there, and though we didn't actually vote, we did have a favorite...but that's not important. What is important is we learned 10 things this year that we wish we knew ahead of time, and will definitely apply to next years Chowderfest.

1) Avoid any non traditional chowder. Anything like Philly Steak and Cheese Chowder, Cheeseburger Chowder, Eggs and Bacon Chowder, Pizza Chowder...doesn't matter. If it strays from the traditional chowder there's a good chance it'll be deceptively good to the point where you'll eat more than you should, and then you'll pay the price. Because non traditional chowders are 98% (proven scientific fact) more likely to give you farts that are nuclear hot and is then followed up by horrible diarrhea (also a proven scientific fact).

2) Speaking of farts, if you have to fart, make sure it's a fart. If you're not sure, then we suggest you sit on the pot while you squeeze one out. Remember, hot farts usually lead to diarrhea. And since you're downtown (and not home) for Chowderfest, you won't have room for mistakes. Be sure it's a fart. Also, be kind and don't do it in line waiting for your chowder sample. That's just rude.

3) When partaking in drinks after chowderfest, go easy. Do not follow up chowderfest with shots of tequila, shots of warm well gin, several beers and more shots of warm well gin on Caroline Street or any bar. Because if you do, YOU WILL BE INCAPACITATED for an entire day. Trust us, we know this from experience. And remember, Chowderfest usually falls on the Saturday before the Superbowl. You will most likely throw up a concoction of bile, Steak and Cheese Chowder and hints of cheap alcohol, and all forms of dental cleaning will not help you in any way/shape/form. Plus all that shit will come out in your pours and makes you stinky.

4) Doesn't matter how safe you play it, when you eat chowder, you're gonna shit up a storm. So just be prepared.

5) Don't be afraid to wander off of Broadway to sample chowder. After all, Broadway isn't the only street in this town. Case in point, many of this years winners are from off Broadway locations.

6) Chowderfest is a long process. You have to make it to the locations, stand in line and then savor each bite so you can judge correctly. Don't go with someone who doesn't want to go through the process of sampling and voting. They just end up becoming a nagging pain in the balls and ruining your chowderfest experience. So leave your lame friends at home.

7) Be afraid of the places who are making chowder but aren't a part of chowderfest. We got chowder from a South Broadway store that wasn't part of chowderfest, and it just made us sour on the inside. Absolutely sour.

8) Doggie chowder tastes like shit.

9) Wear comfortable shoes. Chowderfest requires a lot of walking around. So wear the right shoes. Meg decided chowderfest was a good day to debut her new heels (because "we're having such a mild winter"). Needless to say, about halfway through our tastings, her new heels turned into her worst enemy.

10) The family bathroom door at Uncommon Grounds doesn't always lock.

Stop wasting your dollar bills on strippers

2012-02-04T19:15:00.005-05:00

Guess what Saratogians? You can now go to Burlington, VT for a mere buck! Yep, it's true. The super duper popular bus services known as Megabus will start making trips out of Saratoga Springs with NYC and Burlington as destinations beginning April 2. Fares begin at $1 and get's higher than the Putnam Den staff as the travel date approaches. So your best bet is to plan early and buy early. If you've never had the pleasure of being on a Megabus, you should. Super comfy seats that recline, free internet and professional drivers! And you never know, you might make friends with a fellow bus passenger while watching Zorro.

OH MY FUCKING GOD!! CHOWDERFEST IS ONLY A DAY AWAY!!!!!

2012-02-03T09:26:00.005-05:00

Its almost here!!! Chowderfest!! Get your ass out of bed early tomorrow and head on over to downtown Saratoga Springs between 11am to 4pm to sample a shit-ton of chowder recipes, some good, some not so good. Just don't forget to bring a pocket full of dollar bills because those chowder samples ain't free.

And if you're looking for something to do tonight, the IBI team will be at The Local getting crunk and talking shit about The New England Patriots.

To the owners of Elizabeths and other new downtown places

2012-02-01T12:08:00.006-05:00

Please make your new business fun and interesting. We already have a Max Londons, and Saratoga Coffee Traders, and a One Caroline St. Those are all great places in our city, but Saratoga just doesn't need more of them. Make your new place different. Make it a place that Saratoga doesn't have. Take a look at Troy and Albany and even Glens Falls. They all have great diversity in their restaurants/hangouts. The problem with many new places in Saratoga is they all have this mentality that if they are a business in Saratoga Springs, then they have to be upscale or "boutiquey". Fuck that bullshit. Be weird. Be REALLY FUCKING weird. The weirder the better. We need a place where we can get a great burger, drink our faces into the ground and then play the saxophone and make out with sluts while on stage.

We need a St Elmo's in this town.

Fuck the Superbowl

2012-01-31T15:12:00.005-05:00

You don't give a shit about football. You don't watch football. You don't care if Tim Manning and the NY Bills beat the New England Red Sox. To you it's a just a socially excepted nationally televised gay gang bang that's disguised as a sport. Not that you have a problem with homosexuality, you just hate sports. But here's the thing, how do you get out of the house on Superbowl Sunday for some drinks and a nice meal and still manage to avoid watching the big game. Believe it or not, there are still some places in Saratoga that doesn't have an obnoxious television hanging from every corner of the place. Here's your very small list of establishments that are television free. Only thing is we suggest you call ahead of time to make sure they're open on Sunday.

The Wine Bar
One Caroline St
Hatties Chicken Shack
Maestros
Beekman St Bistro

Hang the DJ

2012-01-30T09:20:00.004-05:00

If you're from the area, then you already know. But if you're new and need to know about local radio, then here you go. Here are the local radio stations the IBI team will tune into when we get tired of our iPod playlists.

102.7 WEQX
Why we listen: Independently owned, plays a lot of new music as well as classic alternative standards. They bring a lot of amazing shows to the area that wouldn't normally come here.

Why they suck: If a song could be a dead horse, they will beat that fucker to the ground. We love Wilco and Phantogram, but fuuuuuuuuuck..if we hear their current singles played one more fucking time, we're gonna throw a computer out the window.

Are they local music friendly? Sort of. They play a local band each day at 11am and 11pm and have an hour long local music show on Sundays.

102.3 KISS FM
Why we listen: Imagine if Ryan Seacrest ran a radio station and there you go. All the hits by Usher, Katy Perry, Pink and Eminem. Great for a quick little cubicle dance party or if you need some inspiration for putting together your play list for your zumba class. It's also the home of the nationally syndicated Elvis Duran show in the morning.

Why they suck: Imagine if Ryan Seacrest ran a radio station and there you go.

Are they local music friendly? No.

91.1 WSPN/Skidmore College
Why we listen: College radio is the best place to hear brand new bands/artists. A ton of great shows run by students and Saratoga community members and it's almost always interesting stuff. We can guarantee that at least twice a day you'll hear something from a band you've never heard of. Everything from garage, metal, drum and bass, and indie rock.

Why they suck: Sometimes a DJ won't show up for their show and you're left with hours of dead air or you'll get some sort of computer generated play list which can play Dying Fetus and The Tallest Man On Earth back to back, which could trigger a seizure.

Are they local music friendly? Sort of. It really depends on the radio show.

97.7 WEXT
Why we listen: Sort of a cross between college radio and NPR. Great shows and radio personalities. Their shows are always interesting and has a ton of variety. Everything from classical to bluegrass to indie rock.

Why they suck: All the shows are pre-recorded, which means you can't call them up and request stuff.

Are they local music friendly? Yes! The DJ's have been known to mix local bands into their shows at any time during the day.

99.5 The River
Why we listen: It's like the 80's never went away.

Why they suck: They play Daughtry.

Are they local music friendly? Not at all.

107.7 WGNA
Why we listen: Country music has it's place in our lives. Like when your relationship ends, or if your dog runs away, or if you finally see what everyone else sees - that your sister is hot!!

Why they suck: They play a lot of thug country music like Tobey Keith. The kind of shit that would send Buck Owens into a whiskey fueled rampage.

Are they local music friendly? Only if you've ever played the main stage during The Washington Country Fair.

Ummm...we need towels...I'll be right back...

2012-01-27T11:12:00.009-05:00

If you have a significant other who's not down with you hanging with porn stars, then you're gonna need to come up with a good lie to make it out to this one. Because porn legend and Entourage star Sasha Grey is coming to Club Vapor for something called Sights and Sounds on February 4 at 9pm. Tickets are $10 and available now. Like all Club Vapor events, you can't show up in your shitty torn up Quiet Riot t-shirt. So dress appropriately.

Because you're not fat enough

2012-01-27T10:40:00.007-05:00

We lifted this horribly cropped photo from Flickr user yummyinthetummy. Thanks for the photo loan.

Today is National Chocolate Cake day. Seriously, we don't make this shit up. This day actually exists. Our suggestion is to head over to Mrs. Londons for one of their awesome individual chocolate cakes, take it back to the office and eat that mofo all by yourself in your cubicle. And if anyone asks for you bite, just ignore them. Fuck that sharing bullshit. They call those cakes individual for a reason!!! If the thought of going to Mrs Londons is repulsive to you, then try hitting up any of the other locally owned cake places Betty's or The Bread Basket.

Max London's is making Friday nights cool again

2012-01-25T18:22:00.009-05:00

Clear your Friday night schedule because the place to go on Fridays is Max London's for their Mixtapes and Mixology event with music by DJ Dragonette. Trust us, this shit will be the fucking bomb and way better than that stupid jazz thing they do on Saturdays.

Oh, and while your there, get the sardines. Seriously.

Just when we thought Saratoga couldn't get any blacker

2012-01-25T18:11:00.005-05:00

En Vogue is coming to Saratoga Springs to free your mind. The show is February 2nd at 9pm. Tickets are on sale now. Get yourself on to the dance floor by clicking here. Guessing from the reaction from Matt and Shayna, this show could sell out pretty quick. So you might want to buy those tickets asap.

Former Skidmore student/ex Saratogian plays Conan O'Brien show

2012-01-25T15:29:00.005-05:00

Before she become a Saratogian (by way of Skidmore), Julia Nunes was an internet sensation with her goofy YouTube videos. Actually, there wasn't really anything goofy about them. She just played cover songs on a ukulele, recorded them on her computer and then uploaded them to YouTube. Which tells us we should be doing more stupid things and recording them and less worky things working for the man.

Hey stupid! Ski faster!!

2012-01-24T12:48:00.004-05:00

Those fun loving people at West Mountain located at Exit 18 have started up their Monday Night Adult Ski League for 2012. Fastest one down the mountain wins a prize. Registration is at 6pm and first run is at 7pm. The entry fee is $22 which includes a 4 hour lift ticket and 1 pitcher of beer (with 4 race participant coupons). Winner is determined by best of three runs and their is time adjustment for age, gender and equipment. So if you are an ugly old lady with beat up shitty skis from the 50's....good chance you're gonna win. Either way, organizers are promising a good time for all who attend. For more info, go to the West Mountain website or just get your lazy ass up to the mountain on Monday nights.

The intel keeps pouring in...

2012-01-22T16:30:00.004-05:00

You guys are stepping up with some cold hard facts for us on a day when you should be glued to the television hating on The New England Patriots. We got a tip that Russo's Grill in Amsterdam was planning on taking over the Brindisi's location on Broadway. That fact has now been confirmed by some dude whose sister lives next door to the Russo's. It's true, that's who our source is. We are not too familiar with Russo's so we did a little Google search and came up with a Facebook page that's barely been updated as well as a couple of shitty tripadvisor and yahoo reviews. So yeah, not so sure what to make of all that. Either way, the Brindisi's space is getting filled.

Rumors confirmed and secrets uncovered...IBI has eyes and ears everywhere

2012-01-22T13:03:00.004-05:00

It's official!! Saratoga Springs is taking a step towards diversity with a Spanish/Mediterranean tapas restaurant moving into the old Pizza on Broadway location. Not sure when the official opening date will be, but when they do open, we will be there to welcome them with open arms and hungry bellies.

If you are fan of Beverly's, you'd better get your ass over there now. Their last day of business is next Sunday because the building owners (Caffe Lena) are giving them the big boot out the door. Apparently Lenas, who are trying to be secretive about the whole thing, wants a gift shop in that location. It kind of goes against the grain of what Lena Spencer stood for when she opened the place, but I guess that's what you get when you're run by a mother fucking committee.

We read your mail as a way to avoid real work

2012-01-20T13:26:00.009-05:00

A reader writes in response to todays rumors:

I'll add to the rumors that Burlington's Healthy Living Market (http://healthylivingmarket.com) is opening a market in the JC Penny space in Wilton, with a wine store next door. The rumor comes via someone who may be in a position to know, but he's kind of blabber. I'd put this at 50/50.

Whoa!! How did we miss this one? Thanks to our reader for this tidbit and of course for adding to the paranoia for select Saratogions. Rumors tend to make some people paranoid as fuck, especially when the rumor has a direct effect on them. We have a feeling this added rumor will make the folks at Four Seasons a bit jumpy. I've actually been to the one in Burlington. It's huge and it's awesome. It's like IKEA..only with food and other cool shit..and with a staff that looks at you lovingly. Seriously. They do. It's actually kind of creepy.

YO BITCH, WE GOT AN UPDATE: We called Healthy Living Market to ask them specifically, if they were planning on opening another store here in Saratoga Springs. The person we talked to neither confirmed or denied the rumor, and also said she wouldn't be the person to talk to about this. But we did manage to get something from her when she vaguely said "look out for possible information on another store in our newsletter and website".

Rumors - Friday morning edition

2012-01-20T08:28:00.008-05:00

Put that shit in our mouths..right now!!

We've heard some rumors around town. Not sure if any of them are true. That's why they call them rumors. Duh.

Rumor #1: Someone is planning on opening a Banh Mi sandwich shop in Saratoga Springs. We hope this one is true. We've heard people talk about this in the past, but that's about it. They just talk. We want the walk.

Rumor #2: Sangwych is in serious trouble. The Times Union didn't give them a glowing review and from what we are hearing from people, they agree. We at IBI have always enjoyed getting sandwiches there, but we do admit that we prefer Legends over Sanqwych. And perhaps this rumor ties in with rumor #1.

Rumor #3: Max London will be appearing on Food Networks Chopped. We heard this one the other day while eavesdropping on a couple who seemed like they knew him. We hope this isn't just ugly small town chit chat because we want Max to march into the Chopped battlefield and kicks some ass and to also tell Ted Allen to shut up when he announces that there is only 2 minutes left on the clock. Of course they know there's two minutes left..there's a huge fucking clock on the wall that tells you there's 2 minutes left. And Max, if this is indeed true and you do happen to lose in the first round? We will still love you.

Rumor #4: The old Borders building has a new tenant and the buzz is it's Bow tie Theaters. Please, if this is true, get the theater up and running in time for the next Batman movie. Because I'm tired of driving all the way down to Clifton Park or Albany to sit my fat ass into a comfy movie seat theater. The theater at the Wilton Mall is fucking shit and the seats smell like old Starburst and butter mixed together. By the way, if you haven't gone yet, the Clifton Park RPX theater is sweeeeeet.

Rumor #5: The place that was the home of the Grey Gelding could be the home of a Spanish restaurant. PLEEEEEEEEEESE BEEE TRUUUUUUUE!!!

Hey kid, are you ever gonna pull off a skate trick?

2012-01-19T13:40:00.006-05:00

Got a kid who loves to skate and is dabbling into the world of art? The Spring Street Gallery is holding a sweet contest to benefit the Saratoga Springs Skatepark and all you have to do is get your punk ass kid motivated long enough to create a skateboard deck for a skate related show titled ON DECK at the gallery. Submissions need to be in the hands of the powers that be by February 28th. Direct all of your questions (if you have any) to Belinda Colon. Her contact info is in the flyer. Opening reception for ON DECK is Saturday March 3rd.

Support the Saratoga Skatepark. It's a good thing. It'll give those angsty kids a place to go and hang out, instead of terrorizing the streets and parking lots of Saratoga and yelling mean things like "fatty" and "homotard" as they skate past you in the Price Chopper parking lot. Okay..when I said you, I really meant me. :(

P.S. Youtubing skateboarding accidents isn't as funny as we thought it would be.

Because cancer sucks

2012-01-17T09:36:00.004-05:00

Lance Armstrong is a hero to us on a couple of levels. First off, he was bumping uglies with super hottie Sheryl Crow. And secondly, he beat the crap out of cancer!! But sadly not everyone is that lucky...to beat cancer or bump the ugs with Ms Crow. But you can do something to help beat cancer! There's a good chance you know someone who has cancer. Or you know someone who knows someone who has cancer.....or you might have cancer. Either way, having cancer sucks the big one. Here's a great way to help the fight the good fight against cancer and have yourself a sweet ass time in the process. The folks over at Crush and Cask Wine Store on South Broadway will be holding their 4th Annual Drink Well....DO Well Wine Tasting to Benefit the LIVESTRONG Foundation. 12 different wines as well as 5 cocktail and spirit samples will be offered. Should we mention that there will be food there? Lots of it. There's a suggested donation of $10 to attend and it's suggested that you register. It's this Wednesday (January 18th) at 8pm. We've gone in the past and it's always a lot of fun.

John Cusack sighting in Saratoga Springs

2012-01-13T14:39:00.004-05:00

We know it's a photo of Charlie Sheen..but you gotta admit, they kind of look alike.

We've received several confirmations that the man who will always owe the paperboy $2 was at the Hungry Spot eating lunch. If you have a photo, send it to us.

Yeah, but can they handle the fire in my pants?

2012-01-13T13:26:00.005-05:00

We believe in you Chief!!

Saratoga Springs Fire Chief says the Fire Department can handle fires and any other emergencies we throw at them. I think we should take this time to remind all Saratoga Springs residents of the true definition of an emergency.

According to the internet an emergency is defines as:

1: an unforeseen combination of circumstances or the resulting state that calls for immediate action

2: an urgent need for assistance or relief emergency after the flood.

Example of an emergency:
1: Her quick thinking in an emergency saved the baby's life.
2:emergency

Examples of non emergencies:
Your bagel number at Uncommon Grounds is #434 and the bagel elf called #104.
When someone calls in an order on the credit card line and not the regular phone line (yeah...I'm looking at you CharKoon lady).
Someone is passed out on Caroline St and lying in a pool of vomit.

A guy named DerryX teaches the world how to cook a ribeye steak

2012-01-12T14:17:00.006-05:00

Everyone is an expert when it comes to something. For example, we're experts at offering constructive criticism. A local man who has some weird wrestling inspired name, DerryX, is an expert at cooking MeatHouse ribeye streaks. He includes a step by step how to, along with photos. Our only criticism is DerryX didn't take the time to remove the weird princess fairy tail fish tank and red pen in photo 7, and the pile of Sunday papers, a pumpkin from Halloween and the same lame ass red pen from photo 7 in photo 12. But even with those faults, he's right on the money with this. Click the link if you want the wrestlers instructions on how to get to meat coma heaven.

Bloody fucking hell..you backwood twats in Cambridge need to stop fucking each other and listen to me!!!

2012-01-12T13:10:00.003-05:00

Thanks for the photo Times Union

The Times Union is reporting that British Chef Gordon Ramsay is coming to Cambridge, NY to belittle the people of Upstate NY, the people who live in the town of Cambridge, and the people who run the Cambridge Hotel. There's also a good chance he may fuck some of our women too. Because lets admit it, we unfamous people love to fuck celebrities. I know I do.

Gordon will be giving the Cambridge Hotel a makeover in his usual style of throwing tantrums and making you feel like a worthless human being.

The Cambridge Hotel is famous for being the birthplace of pie ala mode.

We're gonna get fat as fuck

2012-01-12T12:11:00.004-05:00

Esperantos is giving out free Doughcousins. Get the coupon at www.gotown.com. If you don't know, Doughcousins are like doughboys only the fillings vary from week to week instead of the usual chicken, cheese, spices and scallions.

The worlds newest interenet darling is sort of local

2012-01-11T12:56:00.005-05:00

Glens Fallsian Laura Hajek wants to win a beauty pageant. In order to win you gotta enter. Here's the video portion of her application which is taking the internet world by storm. Go Laura!!

Word of advice, when a lady tells you "he's just a friend", she's a lying bitch!! Don't believe us? Ask Biz Markie when he performs at Club Vapor

2012-01-09T10:50:00.009-05:00

Join the IBI team at the Biz Markie show at Club Vapor at the Saratoga Racino on January 21. Doors at 9pm and tickets are only $10. You must be 21 and over to get in. But if you go, be prepared to get all gussied up for the show. Vapor/Saratoga Racino will be enforcing their dress code policy, which is portable oxygen tanks and hoverounds.

Skeletons in the Piano have a new video

2012-01-08T12:00:00.007-05:00

Saratoga Springs based band Skeletons in the Piano write great music for fans of Bauhaus, Siouxie and the Banshees and Joy Division. They've just recorded a new video for their song Loose Kites in Harbor and want all of you to give it a viewing. This means the perfect music for burying your ex in the backyard now has a video for you to watch as you eat Cheetos and the person you dedicated a couple years of your life to is rotting under the daisies.

2AM Last Call supporters just got their smoking gun

2012-01-06T19:11:00.006-05:00

Of all the weeks to vandalize a building at 3:24am, you jerks had to pick this week?!?! The week when the 4am Last Call policy was under the microscope?!?! Jeeeze dudes, you're not making this shit easy. You're basically handing Chris Mathiesen ammo for his cause. Help the Saratoga fuzz close the books on what is now known around Saratoga City Hall as The Case of the Two Asstards Who Smashed in the Windows at 37 Henry St at 3:24AM, by identifying the individiuals smashing shit up in this photo. Contact Mike Hunt or Heywood Jablomee at 518-584-1800 to give them any information you may have. Please refer to case SS-0043-12. We liked our case name better.

We're getting a beer garden!! (in about 6 to 7 months)

2012-01-06T10:56:00.005-05:00

Photo of the Astoria Beer Garden

There are a bunch of constructiony type of materials sitting behind the shoe depot building for the proposed Saratoga Beer Garden. This means in about 6 to 7 months we all be getting crap-assed drunk in an outdoor venue that will resemble someones backyard. It'll sort of be like the Horseshoe Inn during the summer minus all the annoying d-bags. And that's not counting the customers! Ha..kidding, we kid - we kid. Or are we?

What would last call at 2am mean to Saratoga Springs?

2012-01-05T15:35:00.009-05:00

video link courtesy of those fools at www.saratogaindecline.blogspot

Christian Mathiesen wants the bars in Saratoga Springs to close at 2am to prevent fights, stabbings, vomiting, public fornicating, and all other forms of downtown debauchery that comes with a 4am last call. If he get's his way, it would mean all fights, stabbings, vomiting, public fornicating, and all other forms of downtown debauchery would commence at around 1:30am instead of the usual 3:30am.

Either way, we're getting shitfaced.

Uncommon Grounds basks in the glory of their victory

2012-01-05T15:16:00.004-05:00

It was only a few hours ago that we announced Uncommon Grounds as the readers poll winners for SARATOGA SEXIEST RESTAURANT STAFF, but they wasted no time in getting this official press photo basking in the glory of their win over Max Londons and 39 other Saratoga restaurants.

Again, congratulations to the Uncommon Grounds Staff for being super sexy.

We have to wait a whole fucking month for the next Saratoga event?

2012-01-05T13:55:00.005-05:00

The Annual Chowderfest is scheduled for February 4th. Are you planning on going? We normally avoid this because it's pretty lame. But this year, as part of the IBI teams New Years resolution, we've decided to actually participate in these things instead of make fun of them. So how does this work? We put a dollar bill in your underwear and you give us chowder?

Okay, now that that's over with

2012-01-05T10:32:00.004-05:00

Back to making fun of all of you for being idiots.

Now that we've determined that Uncommon Grounds has a sexy staff, what are the chances we can convince them to get a panini grill? We'd even settle for an actual toasted bagel.

Only one Saratoga restaurant can own the title of SARATOGA'S SEXIEST RESTAURANT STAFF

2012-01-05T10:10:00.004-05:00

We wanted to know which Saratoga Spring restaurant had the sexiest staff, so we went to our readers to find out. We started off with 40 Saratoga area restaurants, and after days of voting, ego busting, and reality checks for some restaurants and it came down to just two, Max Londons staff and the Uncommon Grounds staff.

The votes have been counted. The numbers have been crunched. People have masturbated to the image of you. Saratoga (and the rest of the world) have spoken.

Congratulations to the
Uncommon Grounds staff
You are officially
SARATOGA'S SEXIEST RESTAURANT STAFF

The voting was close, but in the end UG took 62% of the votes.
Thanks to all the restaurants and all of our readers who participated in the poll.

We started with 40 and are now down to the final two

2012-01-04T10:23:00.006-05:00

UNCOMMON GROUNDS STAFF
VS
MAX LONDONS STAFF

When it comes to being sexy in this town, the Max Londons staff and Uncommon Grounds staff know how to turn folks on. We always thought these two popular Saratoga destinations were popular because of the food. Turns out we Saratogians also go to these places to get ourselves a little daily dose of sexual fantasy fodder.

Final Four Round results:
Max Londons staff took the majority of the votes with 30.6%, while the Uncommon Grounds staff barely beat out the sexy jock look of the Stadium Cafe (west side) for the final second slot. Wheatfields only brought in 13.2% of the votes in this round, but are still sexy in the eyes of the IBI staff.

Votes broke down like this:
Max Londons 30.6% - ADVANCES TO THE FINAL TWO
Uncommon Grounds 28.3% - ADVANCES TO THE FINAL TWO
Stadium Cafe (west side) 27.8%
Wheatfields 13.2%

Only one can be called the Sexiest Saratoga Restaurant Staff. Is it Max Londons staff? Or is it the Uncommon Grounds staff? Only our readers can decide. Voting starts now.
Click here to vote for the Sexiest Saratoga Restaurant Staff

Saratoga's Sexiest Restaurant Staff goes into the Final Four

2012-01-03T11:52:00.003-05:00

The quest to be Saratoga's Sexiest Restaurant Staff started with 40 sexy (and not so sexy) restaurant staffs. We have now whittled it down to the top four sexiest restaurant staffs based on your votes.

The top two winners from this round will then duke it out in what will go down as a historic Saratoga battle that could change the face of downtown and history as we know it.

Round 2 results below:

Bracket 1 Winners
Uncommon Grounds moves to the final four with 26.7% of the votes.
Wheatfields took second place, securing a spot in the final four with 23.4% of the votes.
Third place (won't advance) goes to Plum Dandy with 21.7% of the votes.

Bracket 2 Winners
Max Londons will also sit in the final four with 23.3% of the votes.
Stadium Cafe (west side) also advances into the final four with 20.0% of the votes.
Third place (won't advance) goes to Chianti with 13.3% of the votes.

Vote on the final four now!!!
Who has the sexiest staff in Saratoga Springs?
Stadium Cafe (west side)
Uncommon Grounds
Max Londons
Wheatfields
The top two restaurants will move into the final round.
Click here to take survey

Round 1 results are in. Vote for the sexiest Saratoga restaurant staff in Round 2

2012-01-02T12:54:00.014-05:00

Before we go into Round 1 results, we just wanted to say thanks to everyone you who voted. We also wanted mention that we forgot to include the Cantina staff into our poll due to a staff over site. Our apologies to Cantina. You are a sexy looking bunch and if we didn't fuck up we're sure you guys would be considered a favorite in this contest.

Here it is folks, the results from Round 1. The winners of Round 1 will advance to Round 2.

Bracket 1 results:

Max Londons vs Panzas

This one wasn't even close. Max Londons hipster staff took 97.2% of the votes.

Winner: Max Londons

Chianti vs Mama Mias

Poor Mama. She put up a good fight but in the end nobody thinks your mama is sexy. Chianti took 82.4% of the votes.

Winner: Chianti

Virgils Coffee House vs One Caroline St

Maybe it's because hanging out at Virgils feels like your hanging out at your Aunt Gertrudes house that made the readers swing in the direction of One Caroline St. Nope it's the fact that One Caroline St hires hotties. Lots of them. 69.4% of the votes went to those good looking staffers at One Caroline St.

Winner: One Caroline St

The Wine Bar vs Baileys

Wearing all black is fucking sexy as hell. The Wine Bar advances with 64.7% of the votes.

Winner: The Wine Bar

Betty's Cupcakes vs Four Seasons

Hippies smell funny. The votes went in the direction of sticky sweet cleavage. Betty's wins with 72.2% of the votes.

Winner: Betty's Cupcakes

Sushi Thai vs Hatties

This one surprised us, and it was close. Apparently you people love your Asians. Sushi Thai moves to round 2 with a close 51.4% of the votes.

Winner: Sushi Thai

Saratoga Coffee Traders vs Stadium Cafe (west side)

Another close one. I honestly thought this one would go the other way. Stadium Cafe eeks out a win with 51.4% of the votes.

Winner: Stadium Cafe (west side)

Coffee Planet vs County Corner

This one could of gone in any direction. Sadly for Country Corner, it didn't go in their direction. Coffee Planet takes the victory with 77.1% of the votes.

Winner: Coffee Planet

The Lodge vs The Whistling Kettle

Here's a shocker. We had a tie in this one. The results were split down the middle evenly.

Tie: The Lodge and The Whistling Kettle - both will advance to Round 2.

Legends Cafe vs Circus Cafe

You guys think circus folks are sexy. Circus wins and moves to the next round with 88.9% of the votes.

Winner: Circus Cafe

Bracket 2 results:

D'Andreas vs The Local

Slow service is hotter than old pizza. The Local wins with 63.9% of the votes.

Winner: The Local

Fornos vs Marinos

You guys love the men and women of Fornos. Fornos wins with 81.3% of the votes.

Winner: Fornos

Plum Dandy vs Gaffneys

Perverts!!...I'm pretty sure it's all high school kids working at Plum Dandy's. Then again, being sexy has no boundaries. Plum Dandy takes the victory with 69.4% of the votes.

Winner: Plum Dandy

Maestros vs Esperantos

Yeah, there some sexy types at Maestros. You all apparently agree. Maestros wins with 68.6% of the votes.

Winner: Maestros

Uncommon Grounds vs Char Koon

Damn...you guys really think tight jeans and big glasses are hot. Really? No love for the Chinese here. Uncommon Grounds moves to Round 2 with 97.2% of the votes.

Winner: Uncommon Grounds

Wheatfields vs Pizza On Broadway

We always felt like Wheatfields oozes sex appeal. Now our suspicions have been confirmed. You all agree. Readers gave 79.4% of the votes to Wheatfields.

Winner: Wheatfields

Beekman St Bistro vs Lillians

I won't lie, there have been time when I've walked past Lillians and said to myself "daaaaammmn high school girl". You did too. Lillians took 52.9% of the votes.

Winner: Lillians

Stadium Cafe (Broadway) vs Eli's

Hot bitches in tight football jerseys takes the cake in this one. Stadium Cafe (Broadway) wins with 80% of the votes.

Winner: Stadium Cafe (Broadway)

Ravenous vs Comptons

This would of been a different turnout if we took this poll at 3am and you were all drunk. Ravenous wins with 86.7% of the votes.

Winner: Ravenous

Irish Times vs Tiznows

This was another one that could of gone both ways. In the end you folks have a thing for the Irish Times staff. IT moves to round 2 with 54.3%

Winner: Irish Times

Rules for Round 2.

All winners from Round 1 will advance to Round 2. The top 2 of each bracket will advance to Round 3.

Vote for the sexiest Saratoga restaurant staff in Round 2 now! Remember, you need to vote in both brackets. With Round 2 being pretty important, we'd like to encourage all of you to check out the restaurants. Get yourself a little eye full of the staff, and while you're there you should also get a bite to eat. Who knows, maybe you'll get laid too.

Vote in bracket 1 now

Click here to take survey

Vote in bracket 2 now

Click here to take survey

Hottest restaurant staff - Round 1

2012-01-01T18:09:00.005-05:00

Who's restaurant staff is hotter? We want to know. Take our survey to help us figure out which Saratoga restaurant staff you'd want to take to the bone zone. We'll do this bracket style starting with 40 Saratoga area restaurants and eventually working out way to just one winner.

You'll need to take both surveys below. We'll post the results here along with the survey for the next round.

Bracket 1 Click here to take survey

Bracket 2 Click here to take survey

Saratoga still classy in 2012

2012-01-01T17:04:00.004-05:00

An Albany man was stabbed last night on Maple Ave outside the Metro at around 1:30am. Which means we managed to go almost two hours into the new year without being total assholes. Not bad Saratoga. Not bad at all.

It's gonna be a total shit show tonight

2011-12-31T19:00:00.007-05:00

We were just downtown and it's a fucking zoo already. The Uncommon Grounds staff looked a bit nervous knowing their asses were gonna get handed to them. There's a couple walking up and down Broadway selling flowers for all you unprepared losers who showed up at your dates house without flowers....it's not like you didn't know this day was coming. We even saw CDTA bus drivers directing traffic....THAT'S how busy it is out there.

And to top it all off, Johnny's Gourmet Ice Cream was FUCKING closed.....because those mother fuckers are only seasonal....yet those C U Next Thursday's bitched about the fact that we didn't write about them in the last few posts about supporting local business during the holidays, or mention them in the Best of/Worst post. Here's the thing, why the fuck would we write about a closed business? There you go Johnny. There's your motherfuckingplug bitch. Boom! Suck it!! Ha! I just broke off a piece of my big black cock into your delicious non dairy buttonhole!! Oh snap!! Yeah, that's right, take that and don't choke on my balls!!! I'm going two knuckles deep on you my little prince!!! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh, that's me heavy breathing into your ear as I fuck that sweet Italian man-ass!!.....Ooookay, now it's getting a little weird and uncomfortable.

Now granted it's cold out and it's kind of tough to sell ice cream in the winter. But still. You didn't have to close in the winter. That's so Lake George of you. In all honesty, we're just sad you didn't invite us to join you in Florida (or wherever it is you are). Anyways, Happy New Years Johnny..wherever you are.

And again, Happy New Years to all of you Saratogians. The IBI staff is officially signing off for 2011. We'll see all of you in 2012...which is just a few hours from now.

One more day to make your 2011 resolutions come true

2011-12-30T16:38:00.003-05:00

Remember last year when your New Years resolution was to lose 10 pounds in 2011, or how you said 2011 was the year you were finally gonna work up the nerve to ask that barista from Uncommon Grounds out. You know the one we're talking about...the guy who wore a knit hat all summer long and then when it actually got cold, he stopped wearing it? Yeah, that guy. Well guess what, you still have one more day to make all of that happen. So good luck.

Have a safe and happy new years eve everyone.

The Best (and Worst) of Saratoga Springs in 2011

2011-12-29T13:25:00.006-05:00

Read em and weep...

Best things/stuff/places/favorite Saratoga related things of 2011 according to the dumb people who write IBI

Best free air conditioning - Stewarts Shops (all of them)

AC is an expensive luxury that not all of us can afford. So why pay for it when you can get it for free. Make your way over to your local Stewarts, soak up their bone chilling AC. While you're there, get yourself a coffee and a little special thing we like to call the stewdog.

Best place to get a speeding ticket if you like getting speeding tickets - Avenue of Pines/State Park
The sign says 25 MPH..well you'd better be doing that or less. Because the cops that patrol that area have an itchy trigger finger when it comes to writing tickets. We suggest setting your cars cruise control to 25 when going through that area to avoid any confrontation with the fuzz. Yeah, that's right...I'm talking about you Officer Rooney!!!!

Best place for a first date - The table in front of the window at The Wine Bar
You finally worked up the nerve to ask out your secret crush out on a date. Now you have to make sure you make a solid first impression. Take your crush to The Wine Bar and ask for what we at IBI call "the magic table". Play your cards right and you are guaranteed to have that awkward morning where you roll over and see your secret crush drooling on the pillow your momma sent you for your birthday. Bonus if it's a nice snowy night...because that shit looks beautiful from that window seat.

Best sandwich we bought by accident - Smoked chicken sandwich on ciabatta bread at Mrs London

It's true, I somehow ordered one of these things and didn't actually want it. But the line behind me was huge and I didn't want to hold it up any longer. So I took the sandwich home and was about to eat my $10 mistake cold. Thankfully someone intervened before I shoved it into my mouth, and recommended that I take the sandwich and throw it on a hot lightly oiled frying pan for a bit to heat it up. We placed an cast iron skillet on top to press the sandwich down like a panini press, toasting it on one side for 10 minutes, then flipped it over to toast the other side. The end result was this amazing sandwich with great flavors and a toasty crunch. All I have to say is the next time I get this sandwich it won't be by accident and I'll definitely follow the same toasting process. For that, I just want to say this..I want to make love to you Mrs London.

Best kept food secret - Legends Cafe's - Ask for your sandwich "Ramsey Style"
Order any sandwich from Legends Cafe and ask for it Ramsey Style. That means they'll ditch the traditional bread and instead serve your "sandwich" on a bed of greasy fries. Works best with sandwiches that involves any type of sauce. Hell-fucking-yeah.

Best place to hang out when you don't have any money - Uncommon Grounds
The place is like the social hub of Saratoga Springs. Pretty much everyone walks in and out of the front door at some point during the day. Good chance you'll run into someone who'll buy you a coffee or a sandwich at some point during the day. Plus the place has free internet and they don't see to mind you camping your fat ass at a table all day long.

Best local music to prep for the weekend - The Figgs: Badger E.P.
You can't start the weekend without blasting this recording a few times at full volume. Fuck those reports due by the end of the day on Friday. Let's rock!

Best place to watch football when you're a Pittsburgh Steelers fan - West Side Stadium Cafe

Somehow we have Steeler fans in Saratoga. Maybe because there's a connection with Saratoga and The Steelers, or maybe it's because people are just retarded (no offense to actual retards). The number of Terrible Towels you'll see at the West Side Stadium will outnumber the times Ben Roethisberger was charged with rape. That's a lot of Pittsburgh fans.

Best social media Going Out of Business announcement - The Cupcake Lab
Those fuckers tweeted and facebooked their entire demise every step of the way. It was a beautiful thing.

Best lasagna in the 12866 - Pennells Restaurant
Hands down the best lasagna we've ever had. Let's just say every single little layer of it is so sinfully good that just when you think you can't eat anymore, you manage to stick your fork back in just to sneak in another teeny tiny little bite. We should also mention they have the best business sign out front.

Best place to stick it to the parking meter overlords - The lot behind the Saratoga Downtowner/Wine Bar

There's no time limit in this lot. You can park your wheels there for days and not worry about it getting towed or ticketed by those evil ticket writers.

Best thick crust pizza - Saratoga Publik House

Screw Marinos. When we want a killer thick crust pizza, we go to Saratoga Publik House. We like to compare this pizza to a hot hippy chic - a bit doughy, a little crunchy and sexy as hell. We love this pizza and you will too. It also makes for a great object to throw at someone when they are trying to break up with you. True story.

Best thin crust pizza - Mama Mias

Mama Mias blows all Saratoga thin crust pizza away. Don't even bother trying to tell us differently. Get the margherita pizza or the eggplant pizza because they are heavenly. How heavenly? It's Jesus in your mouth heavenly

Best pizza by the slice - Pizza on Broadway

We love stopping in and getting a slice to go. The cheese and sauce combo is great and their ovens give the pizza a nice crunch. Our only issue is it's butt ass expensive.

Best place to drink during the summer that isn't on Broadway - Tiznows

During the hot sticky Saratoga summer Tiznows on Henry St will open up all of their bay doors which makes for a great setting for late night cocktails and noshing.

Best downtown bathroom to crap in - IT'S A TIE - Fornos and Seven Horse Pub

We're pretty sure it's how rich people crap.

Best pizza from a gas station - XTraMart (next to Cudney's Laundry on S. Broadway)

NOTE - We are not saying the best pizza in town is from a gas station..we are saying this is the best pizza FROM a gas station.

We tested all of them..and there were more than we expected. The XTraMart pizza had good sauce, cafeteria style pizza cheese and dough that sort of reminded us of Marinos pizza. Overall, not a bad tasting pizza. As a matter of fact we liked it so much that we actually went back in and got a second slice.

Best mixed drink menu- Max London's

Whoever is in charge of making up those drink recipes, he/she should get manually and orally pleasured by 1,000 angels with baby soft hands and lips like velvety pillows on a daily basis, because those drinks are wonderful. Go on Thursday when it's buy one get one free.

Best local band - Phantogram
It's a no-brainer. Saratoga (Greenwich) duo Phantogram are blowing up and with a recent announcement that they will be sharing the stage with Yoko Ono and The Flaming Lips on NYE, we're thinking they could be the next big thing.

Best bar story we heard - Someone took a shit in the urinal at Desperate Annies

Do we need to go into details?

Best coffee shop - Saratoga Coffee Traders

Wait, what? Oh, you were expecting us to say Uncommon Grounds? Yeah, they are definitely the big dogs around here, but sometimes being the big dog doesn't make you the best. Look at President Obama. Oh, did we just say that out loud? We looked at everything we wanted in a coffee shop. Good coffee, good food, comfy environment and free wifi, and when we compared all of the coffee shops in town it came down to UG and SCT. So what was that put SCT over UG? Three words: Panini Grill BITCHESSSSS!!!

Best $5 spent - All you can eat pizza at Amore's on Clinton Street

Monday nights are the nights to head on over to Amore's. $5 gets you all you can eat pizza if you stay there and eat. Don't want to stay? No problem, because $5 gets you three slices to go. We should mention that the pizza slices are fucking huge. A popular destination for broke-ass Skidmore kids. It's true..there are broke Skidmore kids.

Best food we ate after 3am - A double cheeseburger and side of fries from Comptons Restaurant
Getting a double cheeseburger with a side of fries from Comptons after a long night of crazy drinking is one of our all times favorite things to do.

Best chef that no one talks about - Tim Meaney from Beekman Street Bistro

Chef owned and run Beekman Street Bistro is awesome. He's a modest man who doesn't give a shit about being in the paper or winning contest. He just loves to cook and loves putting out amazing food. Our only issue with him is he's a Red Sox fan. No one is perfect.

Best concert witnessed by a single IBI staff member - Ra Ra Riot at The Factory in Ballston Spa

Yeah, you read that right. Ra Ra Riot played The Factory in Ballston Spa. The show was a WEQX sponsored show and was suppose to be outdoors in Wiswall Park. Sadly it rained like a mofo and they move the show to the very tiny Factory. It was first come first served for the free concert and we managed to get one team member to the show and she said it rocked. It should be noted that the band had played Leno and Letterman during the same week.

Best place and time if you want to get run over by a driver from Long Island

Broadway during the summer. It's like all traffic laws and general sense of directions no longer apply.

Best concert witnessed by the entire IBI staff - TV on the Radio at Skidmore College (Big gym)

Holy fuck, what a great show. And to see them in such a small venue was a bonus. Skidmore College has been killing it with great shows the last couple of years, but in all honesty this was probably the best show so far. TV on the Radio tore it up for a little over an hour and then came out with an encore that included a cover of Fugazi's Waiting Room.

Best channel to watch when you're waiting for your girlfriend to get ready for a night out on the town and all she has is basic cable - Cool TV

All they play are awesome music videos. Old school and new school. It's as if Journey never broke up.

Worst things/stuff/places/not so favorite Saratoga related things of 2011

Worst door to open when drunk or sober - D'Andrea's

You first have to navigate through the first screen door, then you have to deal with the second door with the hinges on the opposite side of the first door, to make it more difficult the damn thing weights a freaking ton. Getting out is even a bigger bitch, because you are usually toting pizza in your hands, which makes operating those doors even harder.

Worst place to see a movie - Saratoga Film Forum
The seats are uncomfortable, no air ventilation, and you usually end up sitting next to some weirdo who want's to discuss the movie when it's all said and done.

Worst Redbox location - Route 50 Price Chopper

At the beginning of the year the Redbox machine was near the door, which made it super convenient to pick up one of those cooked chickens and rent a movie. Then out of the blue they moved the damn thing all the way into no man's land to the area where they normally put seasonal shit like plants and Christmas wreaths. It's poorly lit and it's scary over there. Someone could steal my chicken!

Worst place to have a discussion about whats going on this weekend - In line at Uncommon Grounds (when you're not actually in line)
Do everyone a favor and don't have a group discussion in the area where you wait in line to order drinks/food at UG. There have been so many occasions where we think you're in line, so we wait behind you, only to find out your not in line. For that, we curse you with an itchy nipple.

Worst place to fart - Caffe Lenas
Low ceilings, no ventilation and the good acoustics will pretty much tell everyone in the room you did it.

Worst local business TV/radio commercial - NYRA

It's post time...and party time. I'm not sure which songwriter I hate more, the person who wrote the NYRA them "Saratoga!!....SARATOGA!!!!!" or Jeff Tweedy for the last two Wilco records.

Worst local music to make out to - Skeletons In The Piano

We love this band. But its probably some of the worst music to get your grind on. On a positive note, it's great music if you need a soundtrack for cutting up people into tiny little pieces.

Worst place to eat a pizza - Congress Park
Bring a pizza there in the middle of summer and you'll get attacked by ducks. Bring a pizza there in the middle winter and you'll freeze your ass off...as well as get attacked by ducks.

Worst thing to happen to Saratoga - Borders closing

Yep, it sucked bad. A lot of people lost their jobs and Saratoga Springs ended up with a huge ugly hole right in the middle of downtown. It kind of like seeing a shot of someones asshole in a porn. You just don't want to see that.

Worst gang - The motorcyclist that hang out in front of Uncommon Grounds

Watch South Parks episode titled THE F WORD for this one.

Worst place to watch sports if you're a douchbag Boston fan - Broadway Stadium Cafe

We've watched sports in a lot of bars and with a couple of the staff members being from New England, it sometimes gets ugly. Especially when those assholes from Boston are winning. We've always found that New England/Boston fans get the most hate from the regulars (NY loyalists) at the Broadway Stadium Cafe.

Worst place to ask your parents if you can borrow a large sum of money - Plum Dandy's

Doesn't matter if they give you the money or not, because their response usually comes with a big helping of "you are a big fucking loser" pie. And if you've ever had that pie, you know it makes anything delicious taste like shit.

Worst locally brewed beer - Mountain Brew by Stewarts

Yeah, the same place you can get coffee, egg and sausage sandwiches, the stew dog and a lottery scratchy, are now brewing their own beer. As you'd suspect, it sucks.

Worst downtown bathroom to crap in if you're a woman - Gaffneys

According to the ladies on the team, you don't want to crap here. The door opens up towards the big window that faces Caroline Street, and the way the room the bathroom is built, as you open the bathroom door to exit, the door wafts out the odors into the main room pretty much killing any chance of you and that guy you just met from taking a trip to the BZ (bone zone).

Worst luck - Saratoga Arts Fest

For the last couple of years the Saratoga Arts Fest folks have set up a huge stage in the parking lot of the Saratoga Downtowner. We're pretty sure the thing cost a lot of freaking money to rent, install and staff. And for the last couple of years it has rained like a mother fucker. We think they should rent out the old Borders location for their downtown venue for the upcoming 2012 Arts Fest. Then it wouldn't matter what mother nature was doing.

Worst job - Being the mayor of Saratoga Springs

Sure, it has its perks, like a bottomless cup of coffee at any coffee shop in town or free doughboys at Espos. But that would also mean you're the mayor of all of us idiots and the stupid shit we do.

This is what the IBI team did during the evening of Christmas Day

2011-12-26T11:40:00.007-05:00

Deck Da Hall Widd Bow Oh Howry Fa Ra Ra Ra Raa Ra Ra Ra Ra!

Ti Da Searon To Be Howry Fa Ra Ra Ra Raa Ra Ra Ra Ra......

The team went to Char Koons last night for a little Christmas Day dinner shindig and we had a great time. We got four dishes for under $40, they we're all fabulous and we took home a lot of leftovers. We love the fact that Saratoga has a Chinese food place that you can actually sit down at and enjoy a meal. They even have a little Asian kid who wanders around the restaurant giving all the round eyes a glare that says "I don trus whie folk". If that isn't an authentic eat in Chinese restaurant experience, then I don't know what is.

They deliver too! Just don't call their credit card dial out line (which happens to be listed on the front of their website page) or they'll give you the run around. We suggest you avoid all of that and just have your dinner there.

Breaking News! Cupcake Lab announce return - Don't call it a comeback

2011-12-24T20:40:00.007-05:00

According to Facebook, Saratoga's version of the Crips vs Blood rivalry returns when the Cupcake Lab reopens in 2012 at their newly announced Broadway location to again challenge Betties Cupcakes for the rights to be number one in the hearts of Saratogians. The blood (and cream cheese frosting) from innocent children will flow on the streets once again.

Merry Christmas ding-a-lings

2011-12-24T20:15:00.001-05:00

We hope everyone out there in Saratoga Springs has a great Christmas. Be safe, stay warm, and don't over do it on the eggnog. Don't forget to check in with us next week for our Best of 2011 post.

We got your letter

2011-12-22T20:42:00.004-05:00

Anonymous said...
where is the JOHNNY'S Love???? seems like you guys are plum dandy butt boys!!!!!

Hey! Whoa whoa whoa!!...ease up there buckaroo. Yes, we love Plum Dandy's. But we also love Johnny's Gourmet Italian Ice too. It's like this..it's like being a parent and having two children. You love them both for many different reasons, but in the end, you just love them. Sure, we're butt boys with our one child, Plum Dandy. But like any good parent, we're also butt boys with our other child, Johnny. We love both of our children equally in the butt.

Obnoxious comes in black, gold and teal

2011-12-22T12:21:00.006-05:00

The Riggi family doesn't care about a missing bird, Jewish holidays or last minute holiday gift buying. I mean..the motherfuckingfuckers are too busy making sure the world knows that they are still the richest and most tackiest family on planet Earth. Here's the front of their annual holiday card which reportedly comes with the following message, "You stupid twats can suck our balls made of gold. Happy Holidays. Much admiration - The Riggi Family".

Are you fucking serious? Again? That bird is a quickly becoming a pain in our balls

2011-12-22T12:04:00.005-05:00

Remember back in May when Wilma the bird went missing? And the entire town literally shut down looking for her? Not really. Well guess what Saratoga, the bird is missing again and the owner is seeking your help - again. If you see Wilma, give her owner Wade a call at 744-2416. The IBI staff has our fingers crossed for a Christmas miracle.

Note to Wade: Dude...lock that shit up bro.

We took some time off from drinking and fornicating to come up with some last minute gift ideas for all of you fools

2011-12-22T11:27:00.007-05:00

Gift cards from any of our local downtown business. i.e. Plum Dandy, Uncommon Grounds, Coffee Traders, Maestros, The Wine Bar, Max Londons, Frivolous....you get the idea.

A nice trinket from Silverado or Lucias.

The Ramones Rocket To Russia on vinyl from Divinyl Revolution

A pound of coffee from Uncommon Grounds.

Some old kitschy book from Lyrical Ballad Bookstore.

A unique one of a kind portrait from Your Toy Portraits. You might be too late for this one if you want this for Christmas, but you can maybe get a gift certificate for a great unique gift after the holidays. Contact her by clicking the link.

A dozen doughboys from Esperantos. Might want to opt for the gift card instead of putting those bad boys under the tree.

Bitches love flowers. Get your lady some flowers from Dehns or any other local flower shop.

Buy the musician in your life something from Parkway Music in Clifton Park or Saratoga Guitars. They'll give you lessons too. We know a few "musicians" out there who could use lessons.

Get some meat from The MeatHouse. Hell yeah to this one. Cowboy steaks for the IBI team. Again, gift card might be more appropriate for this one.

Booze. People love booze and wine. Check out Crush and Cask, Putnam Wine or any of the other wine and liquor stores in town. Bring your ID because those fuckers will card you.

Buy an iPod at the Skidmore College Apple store. Why drive to Crossgates Mall and deal with all that bullshit. Go to the college and visit the store there.

Ski passes or lessons from West Mountain. Yep, it's a small mountain but it's only 20 minutes from downtown Saratoga Springs. Or go the extra mile and hit up Gore Mountain.

Oh yeah..it's Hanukkah

2011-12-22T11:14:00.005-05:00

We've been so busy being kick-ass Catholics that we almost forgot about our Jewish brothers and sisters out there in Saratoga. Happy Hanukkah.

Sad. We don't have on Jewish team member. But we do have a Chinese guy.

Oh scratch that. Turns out he's Korean.

The mail guy fucked it up

2011-12-20T15:10:00.008-05:00

So apparently the number two idiot in charge of fucking shit up in this country sent a local kid a letter apologizing for fucking up the kids dreams of having a VP at his party. Apparently Smoking Joe Biden didn't show up at the kids party and blames the fact he missed the invite due to fucked up White House mail procedures. The letter above confirms that Joe Biden uses a pen with blue ink.

Full story of fuck up can be found here.

I can't tell whats uglier...your face or your sweater

2011-12-16T11:16:00.004-05:00

The 4th Annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Pub Crawl is happening on Friday December 23rd, so either raid your aunts sweater drawer or make a trek up to Walmart to find a sweater. Prizes will be offered for the ugliest of ugly. But in order to win prizes you have to be registered. Registration beings at 5pm at the Saratoga City Tavern on the day of the event. All monies raised during the event goes to help the Franklin Street Community Center. Details for the event can be found here.

It's national cupcake day

2011-12-15T17:11:00.005-05:00

Today is national cupcake day. Not as good as national blow job day, but hey...we like cupcakes too. Head on over to Betties Cupcakes and get yourself some motherfuckingcupcakes!! Them bitches are open until 9pm tonight.

The perfect gift for that "oh...it's...ummm...nice...what is it?" moment on Christmas day

2011-12-15T10:43:00.006-05:00

I'd be the first in line to buy a pass if this was on the schedule

The Saratoga ArtsFest festival isn't until June 7th and runs until the 12th, but you might as well get a jump on your pass now. Those artsy buffoons over at Saratoga ArtsFest want you to give the gift of art this holiday. 2012 ArtsFest passes are available now and ready to be put into stockings or wrapped up and placed under the tree. Everything from music, dance, visual arts, film and theater are showcased during the ArtsFest. Is any of it any good? That depends. Are you the type who likes lemons and raspberries in your water or are you the type who drinks cheap beer from a can. We tend to think the "I drink cheap beer from a can" types will most likely shy away from this event. But we're pretty sure everyone will find something fun about this annual event.

To purchase an ArtsFest pass, click here.

We're not being lazy

2011-12-14T15:03:00.005-05:00

Hey Saratoga, we're working on our big Best of 2011 post, which explains the lack of any posts this week. We're focusing all of our talent, wit and sarcasm into one big hilarious post that will most likely be more disappointing than Brent Wilkes numbers at the polls. Oh snap! Booya! Zing! Buuurnn!!!

Public service announcement

2011-12-10T13:52:00.004-05:00

Saratogians,

Christmas is around the corner and people are in a shopping panic. Be very careful as you navigate through parking lots and downtown because people are fucking morons. We almost lost Bob and Trevor (or as we know them...Goose and Maverick) today when a small red Fiat almost took them out when they were walking back to the office with sandwiches from Sangwych. Luckily both of our team members and the sandwiches survived the incident. Though Bob did cry a little bit when they were retelling the story to the rest of the office.

Rumors churn in the 12866

2011-12-10T13:08:00.004-05:00

A couple of rumors made our way to us last night as we we're drinking warm gin and watching Christmas specials. Remember, they are rumors so take with a grain of salt. As for Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer...he was bullied by everyone...even Santa. There. I said it.

Putnam Den

We heard a rumor that Putnam Den may be bailing on their current location and moving into the old Johnny Luc's location on Caroline St. The move would cut the venue size into more than half and pretty much eliminate any chance of Justin Bieber ever playing Saratoga Springs.

Fried Chicken Shack on the West Side

Another rumor we heard, and one we hope is true, is someone from Saratoga Prime will be opening a fried chicken shack over on the West Side near The Local. From what we heard, they plan on having a "street food" approach at a very affordable price. Please God..make this happen. And when I pray to God, I'm praying to the chicken God.

Lost dog update

2011-12-09T08:33:00.003-05:00

Attention Saratoga Springs, Pibbles the dog has been found. You may now go back to your normal lives of not giving a shit.

The Country Corner....meh

2011-12-08T15:22:00.009-05:00

Booooring!!!!!!

The Country Corner Cafe? Yeah, sure..if nothing else is open....but thankfully that's not the case and thankfully there are much better choices out there. We just don't get what the attraction is for The Country Corner. Maybe because it's close to downtown or some stupid shit like that, but in all honesty the food is boring and the place is boring.

When the IBI team goes out for breakfast, we like to go to places like Sarges Triangle Diner on Route 9 or we'll make the 20 minute hike over to Eli's in Schuylerville. Those two places are close to Saratoga and make great food at affordable prices. And if we're really feeling up to it, we'll travel all the way to The Ugly Rooster in Mechanicville. That place rules and is worth the trip outside of the bubble of Saratoga.

A call to action Saratoga Springs - APB for missing doggie

2011-12-07T09:16:00.005-05:00

She goes by the name of Pibbles, or Pibby in some circles. She's missing and was last seen at 9am this morning near the YMCA in Saratoga Springs. Her family would love to have her home for the holidays. If you see her, call 518-288-3888. She weights 44 lbs, bindle, greyhound mix, shy around people, and loves bacon - I mean..who doesn't.

Holy mother of god!!!!! Restaurant Week is here!!!!!!

2011-12-02T10:14:00.009-05:00

Max Londons is an IBI favorite..or as we call it, MILF central..or sometimes the Center for Bat Shit Crazy Women. Or Weird Sketchy Guy Lodge.

Hey Saratoga ding dongs, time to get out of the house and hit up your local Saratoga restaurants because $18.19 gets you a 3 course dinner and $9.09 gets you a lunch special at all participating restaurants. That's right beeyotches, it's the return of restaurant week in the 12866. This would be a great opportunity to check out a place you've never been to. Or maybe you could use this week to revisit a place that you loved but it was just a little too expensive for your shallow pockets, so you never went back. Just don't forget about tax, tip and drinks.

Click the link below for a complete listing of all participating Saratoga restaurants.
I'm a proud Saratoga fatty!

Side note:
Do yourself a favor and don't bother with that shit hole, Lillians. The food blows.

Good news/Bad news for you

2011-12-01T15:01:00.004-05:00

Saratogians, whatever you do. Do not look out your windows right now, because it's an absolutely gorgeous day out there today, which makes it real hard to be stuck at our desks doing all this crappy financial reporting stuff (our real jobs) - that's the bad news. We'd post a photo from our office windows, but it would just make you sad knowing what you were missing. Plus the court order against us won't allow us to point cameras out of the IBI windows anymore and snap photos. Apparently it's illegal to take pictures of people undressing in front of their windows.

But here's the good news. This amazing weather will carry over into the night, which means tonight's Victorian Streetwalk should be a full of festive holiday fun with carolers and people running amok all over Broadway. Just be sure to wear something warm. It's gonna get a tad cold.

Maestros just whipped out their dick (in the form of a huge fucking Christmas tree) and told every local restaurant to suck it

2011-12-01T13:41:00.003-05:00

In case you haven't seen it yet, Maestros has the most amazing beautiful Christmas tree parked on their front porch for all to see. You should definitely check it out this evening during the Victorian Streetwalk. While you're at it, stop in for a drink and little noshing.

Raise your hand if you don't give a shit about the rumor of Brad Pitt filming his next movie in Saratoga Springs

2011-11-30T15:52:00.003-05:00

West Ave is getting a health food store

2011-11-29T15:55:00.006-05:00

The little plaza on West Ave that The Fortunate Cup calls home, is getting a new business. Apparently a health food store/eatery is setting up shop there and we hope they'll be open sometime in early 2012. We also hope that some good competition will show all of you Saratoga idiots that Four Seasons has been raping you with high prices on pretty much every single product in their store. Sadly we can't recall what the name of the new health food shop is, but we're pretty sure the word "healthy" is somewhere in the name. We would of stopped to check but it was tacos and donuts day at the office, and there was no fucking way were were gonna stop and risk having those fat asses in accounting get to the buffet before we got there.

Turns out The Tin and Lint is just another shit bar on Caroline St

2011-11-28T10:36:00.010-05:00

You've heard the story. The song "American Pie" by Don McLean was written on a cocktail napkin in the corner of The Tin and Lint during his heydays of hanging out at Caffe Lenas. The owners of the bar even put a plaque up in the very same corner the song was written to show the enitre world how they played a part in American pop culture. Unfortunately none of that is true, (insert taunting laugh and finger pointing here) which now makes it a plaque full of LIES!!! Don McLean recently came forward in a recent interview to squash the legend of The Tin and Lint (and Saratoga Springs) by saying the song was written in Pennsylvania. It should also be noted that the song wasn't first performed at Caffe Lenas as local lore states. Temple University in Philly, PA owns that claim.

In the same interview Don McLean also said there's no Santa Claus. Fucker.

Thanksgiving is over

2011-11-26T19:05:00.008-05:00

This was the best part of the IBI teams Thanksgiving break. Nothing screams the holidays like smelling yo dick.......

Oh yeah, Thursday December 1st is your Annual Victorian Streetwalk. Don't forget to go because that shit is gonna be off the hook. The Mayor of Saratoga kicks it all off with some sort of city wide hand job at 6:30pm on the steps of City Hall.

The Riggi family has money

2011-11-23T12:24:00.005-05:00

Photo by chocolate point - photo taken in 2010 - but 2011 looks the same

As they do every year for every holiday occasion, the Riggi family has again gone overboard in their holiday decorations to make sure the entire world knows they are richest mother fuckers in town. Their beacon of Catholicism shines brighter than a teenage Jesus with a huge raging hard on. There's just no way you'd miss it if you were to walk/drive past it.

Don't let the winter cold be your excuse to turn into a huge fat ass

2011-11-17T10:41:00.003-05:00

Where the fuck is that pizza I ordered over 40 minutes ago?

Don't let the cold winter air turn you into a big fat chubbo this winter. Find out about all the exercisey things you can do this winter as the 4th Annual Adirondack Winter Sports and Healthy Living Expo comes to Saratoga on November 19 through the 20th at The Saratoga Springs City Center. Learn about shit like skiing and snowboarding as well as other crap like mind, body and spirit fitness. $5 will get your big fat ass through the door. 18 and under can go for free.

Some guy made a movie and wants you to go see it

2011-11-15T17:00:00.003-05:00

Local filmmaker Nate Simms made a documentary about a 90 year old Brunswick farmer who's getting dicked over by small town politics (something many of us here in Saratoga Springs are use to) and residential development, and he's hoping we all make it out to it's first public screening. The movie, titled BRUNSWICK, will debut at The Spectrum in Albany, NY on December 7th at 7pm. If you are interested in going you might want to get an advance ticket, which you can do by clicking here.

There will also be a soundtrack release party on Sunday, December 4th at 7pm at Caffe Lena in Saratoga Springs, NY. IBI favorite, Matthew Carefully will perform his songs from the movie soundtrack with a small group of musicians. Opening the show will be Skidmore folkgrass band Bailiwick.

Buy local this holiday

2011-11-14T12:07:00.004-05:00

Okay ding dongs. It's the time of the year when we urge all of you to think local when doing your holiday gift buying. We're not saying you'll be dicks for buying some shitty fruit of the month gift basket online, or doing your shopping at the mall. We're just suggesting that you check out what our downtown businesses have to offer before heading those other routes. For example, who wouldn't love a gift card from Wheatfields, Saratoga Coffee Traders or Plum Dandy? I know I would. So yeah, support local stores.

We're getting a fish market

2011-11-12T18:25:00.004-05:00

Saratoga Springs is finally getting a bonafide fish market sometime in 2012 when the Connecticut based company Bon Ton Fish Market opens up shop in Wilton, NY next to Chipotle.

Want to know what were not getting in 2012? Mayor Brent Wilkes.

Start off your Thursday evening the right way

2011-11-10T13:27:00.006-05:00

Not sure about the rest of you idiots, but us idiots at IBI plan on hitting up Wheatfields 3 courses for $19.00 deal tonight.

Normally our Thursdays are spent getting our faces melted off with back to back to back Manhattans at Max Londons. So this will be a nice change of pace. Come join us. We'll be the ones wearing the Brent Wilkes Victory t-shirts that we found in the dumpsters.

The Wine Bar + Restaurant Week = Everyone wins

2011-11-09T11:17:00.007-05:00

So a few weeks ago when we posted about the Riggi family, some little candy ass bitch made a comment about how we make a lot of Wine Bar plugs. But in all honesty, we really haven't made any mention of The Wine Bar except to discuss their odds of closing up shop, which we listed at 2-1 odds. Don't really see that as a plug..more like a dig. But today we are actually going to give The Wine Bar a little shout out. Have you been there lately? It seems Chef Dominic Colose has really turned things around over there. A great menu and great prices matched up with an ever changing wine list plus one of the sweetest bar tenders in the entire world means you have one hell of an experience at The Wine Bar. If all this won't convince you to head on over to The Wine Bar then how about going during restaurant week from December 2 to December 8 when $18.19 get's you 3 courses. The Wine Bar won't be the only place participating. There's actually a nice list of great Saratoga area restaurants you can pick from. For a complete listing of which restaurants are participating click here.

The Cupcake Lab saga continues.....

2011-11-08T19:39:00.003-05:00

So it seems the people involved with the Cupcake Lab are finding life after closing..and without a storefront! The Lab recently posted on Facebook that they are operating out of another commercial kitchen in Saratoga and are actually doing delivery on items as long as you give them 48 hours notice. They are also taking pre-orders for holiday goodies, which is great! We love a good rise to the occasion when down and out story. But we have to ask the following question, what commercial kitchen are they working out of? How do we know it's not just a home kitchen? Does the kitchen meet Department of Health sanitation codes?

Trust us. We're rooting for The Lab to survive this, but we don't want blow diarrhea all night long either. So we think it would be fare if The Lab folks just told us what commercial kitchen they are currently working out of before we go ahead and place our holiday order.

Also, on a completely non related subject. How come you dummies didn't vote today. It's being reported that only one fifth of you voted today.

Hey dummies, time to vote

2011-11-08T12:44:00.004-05:00

Someones dream of running a city will be crushed tonight. You can play a part in that dream crushing. Go out and cast your vote.

What the fudge!!

2011-11-07T15:30:00.002-05:00

How come the city hasn't done something creative with the old Borders building? Perhaps they can rent it out for downtown events? Indoor concerts during the winter? How about a centrally located chowder fest instead of walking around all over downtown freezing your junk off. Fuck man! We're sure someone would love to come in and rent the property out for the weekend or during the holidays.

See Saratoga? We're not just assholes occupying an office downtown. We're also forward thinkers. Purveyors of kick ass ideas and all things awesome.

Screw cooking this Thanksgiving

2011-11-04T14:29:00.003-04:00

Here's the deal. You want turkey on Thanksgiving day. But you don't want to deal with the whole cooking thing that comes with it, or go to your asshole brothers house to listen to him brag about how he told his boss to eat shit during a board meeting - all while he's cramming stuffing into his mouth, and talking and chewing at the same time.

Here's the solution. Head on over to Winslows in Wilton, NY for a delicious turkey dinner or make your way to The Olde Bryan Inn or Longfellows. All three places will be open on Thanksgiving and ready to put a very generous portion of food in front of you. You may want to call ahead of time to see if they take reservations.

Still looking for a Halloween costume?

2011-10-27T09:23:00.004-04:00

Your Halloween costume will make or break your evening. You're gonna need something that will guarantee a night of good times, high fives and legend status. No costume or a suck ass one will give you one full year of shame. We're down to the wire here people. Do you have a costume yet? If not, then we at IBI would like to suggest you dress up as one of the many........
LEGEND OF SARATOGA!!!!!

"The guy who plays his guitar on the corner of Broadway and Caroline St"

This look is simple. Get a wig thats a cross between David Crosby and your grandmother. Get a guitar and a ten speed bike. Learn pretty much every single song before 1975.

Staff member of Max Londons

This costume is easy. Tight jeans, white shirt, glasses to big for your face and talk about how you saw the band Cut Copy in your friends basement with just you, your friend and your friends goldfish.

The girl who owns Divinyl Revolution

It's a mix of goth and rocker and a demeanor that's sweet as pumpkin pie but totally badass at the same time.

Patagonia people

You see them walking around in town. They usually hang out in front of Uncommon Grounds. Buy a Patagonia jacket. Wear it. Then be wishy washy about your self esteem and whenever you feel down, just look down at your Patagonia jacket logo to remind yourself how awesome you are.

The Figgs

Before Phantogram, there was The Figgs. 90's rockers from Saratoga who made it big. Moppy hair, t-shirts and worn out jeans. Think Brooklyn today, only they did it 20 years ago.

Large homeless guy who sits on the bench

You need a black shirt and dark pants for the look. Push around a shopping cart full of black bags filled with single shoes with no matching pair.

Bicycle wheelie guy
Get a full faced helmet, a mountain bike and do wheelies down the middle of Broadway. If you can't do wheelies then just hold the front end of your bike up.

Post Office corner protesters
This one is super fun because it's a group costume. Dress up like a grown up hippie making over 95K a year and carry signs that say Peace and Fair wages.

The staff from Uncommon Grounds

Dress real trendy (slacker trendy) but pretend you don't know you're dressing real trendy. The key to the whole thing is giving the death stare when someone asks you for a refill.

Your favorite Saratoga bartender
We suggest dressing up as the bartender from Thirteen. I bet he gets a lot of chics. The look is part Euro and part I live in Saratoga Springs, NY.

The IBI staff

Kara - The look is half Lady GaGa for the office, half cat lady. Add the ability to insult you without even knowing you've been insulted until a day or two later.

Trevor - You'll need a beard, a hockey shirt, a love for homemade beer and anything My Little Pony.

Bob - No fashion sense at all, smells like whale blubber all the time and a tattoo that says Beautiful Tragedy. Make sure you misspell the word "Tragedy" by spelling it "tradgedy" for authenticity.

Meg - Dress like the chic who married Prince William, complain a lot and use really large words that require google to figure out. Also missing your deadlines is a big part of the costume.

Shayna - Strap a baby to your front, love the Steelers, give high fives that hurt, call everyone "bitchface" and occasionally yell "Woooooooo!!!" Being half in the bag will make you authentic.

Matt - Like Trevor, you'll also need a beard. Wear flannel shirts and flip flops. An undying love for any New England team until they start to lose. Have a passionate love for any romantic comedy that stars Meg Ryan.

Guess who's in Spin Magazine...Again

2011-10-24T18:29:00.004-04:00

Sarah + Josh = Phantogram

The Saratoga Springs based electro duo, Phantogram just keeps getting bigger and bigger. The band is selling out large venues, gaining some big radio play, making the rounds on the late night tv circuit and are now about to drop a new recording titled Nightlife EP. You can read about how the new tracks came to be as well as listen to them by heading over to Spin.com.

Dance your fat ass into the record books this weekend

2011-10-24T11:14:00.004-04:00

Learn the dance moves above and be a part of history.

A worldwide attempt to break the Thriller dance record is happening this weekend at the Saratoga National Museum of Dance as well as other various location around the globe. But if you want to be involved, you gotta register. You can register here.

Celebrity time

2011-10-24T10:26:00.005-04:00

Hollywood movie star Jesse Eisenberg will be in town tonight at the NYS Military Museum on Lake Ave to read parts of two ancient Greek tragedies that show the physical and psychological wounds suffered by combat soldiers. As well as to possibly slay some Saratoga vagina.

Eisenberg is famous for his portrayal of Facebook co founder Mark Zuckerberg in the movie The Social Network, but we liked him best in the movie Zombieland.

Tegan and Sarah talk about food

2011-10-23T20:27:00.006-04:00

Looking for food reviews of local establishments? A couple of chicks (we think) are marching around town ordering up half the menu, taking photos and then writing about their experience on a website because their opinion matters. Apparently these two have deep pockets because most of the places they've reviewed so far aren't cheap.

You can check out their site by clicking here.

Where is Long Alley?

2011-10-23T18:51:00.003-04:00

Fuck dudes. We've had a lot of posts about cupcake/bakery joints lately. We apologize for the cupcake overload, but honestly this is actual Saratoga Springs news and worthy of a post. Plus we're bored and it's Sunday. Which means the business next door to us is closed and we can't continually go over and ask if anyone over there wants to indian leg wrestle us for cold hard cash - fuckers always say no. Accountants are pussies.

The Cupcake Lab - You either love them or you hate them. Or you have no idea who they are because you'e never been able to find the place. That's probably because The Lab is located on Long Alley. Yeah, exactly, where is Long Alley? And that my friends is the reason why the owners of The Lab are packing up the shop and moving to a new location somewhere in SS. As of Sunday 10/23, the owners will close the store and relocate. Leaving behind their secret location, which was gonna be our zombie apocalypse hideout. Not sure where they plan on moving to in Saratoga Springs, but wherever they land, we at IBI hope it's a place that a map can be easily drawn on a single cocktail napkin. We use to send the interns out with a GPS unit, a couple of different maps (one in Spanish) and some flashlights just to get us lunch at the old location. Those fuckers would be gone for hours until they finally would return empty handed, bloodied and near emotional meltdown.

You can find out the new location of their store by following The Lab on Facebook.

OMG HALLOWEEN!!!!!

2011-10-21T09:12:00.005-04:00

There's a lot of shit going in town to give you an excuse to dress up like a slutty female version of Han Solo or the dumpy kind. Here's a breakdown of whats going on in this turd filled town. We hope you dumb-fucks like The Rocky Horror Picture Show because you'll have a couple of chances to see it.

Friday October 28

Universal Preservation Hall - The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Saturday October 29 Your best bet.

Putnam Den - Skeletons In The Piano

All of Caroline St - A cosplay shit show worthy of a billion boners.

Monday October 31

Putnam Den - The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Don't be a hater

2011-10-20T17:50:00.005-04:00

People in this fucking town love to hate the Riggi family. But why? Yeah, sure....they have this monstrosity of a house that oozes with obnoxiousness. But seriously. Why you gotta be a hater? The family are big supporters of this community. They donate money to many not for profit organizations. They practically built the fucking YMCA out of their own pockets, as well as arrange scholarships for low income kids to have memberships there. This Halloween as well as every Halloween since they've been here, the family has put out this amazing display for all of us to enjoy. And each year they sit outside (no matter what the weather is) and hand out candy to anyone who walks to their gates. To make things fun, this year those sneaky Riggi's will be stuffing 5 random candy bars with a crisp $100 bill. While one lucky trick or treater will get a free year long family membership at the YMCA...take that lady at 120 Catherine St and your fucking bullshit full size Snickers bar. So yeah, stop being a Riggi family hater. They are good people who love the city they live in and love giving back to the city they live in. Besides, you shouldn't fuck with rich people. Rich people can have you killed with a single phone call.

The Bread Basket wants you to know who was here first

2011-10-18T12:12:00.008-04:00

Okay, when it comes to making cupcakes, most people seem to talk about either Betty's or The Lab. Yep, we're guilty of it ourselves. But here's the facts, The Bread Basket have been here for a long time and they do that shit up right. To prove they are kings of the cupcakes and everything else for that matter (great soups and sandwiches), they made this sweet little commercial (?)/video (?) to remind all of us to wander off of Broadway once in awhile for a true Saratoga treat. We're not sure if it's the folkie guitar in the background, or the cinematography, or the simplicity of the video. Or maybe it's the image of granny at the end - but every single time we watch this, we somehow walk away loving Saratoga Springs more and more.

THE BREAD BASKET from Niki Rossi on Vimeo.

Book sale!!!

2011-10-14T20:11:00.003-04:00

Hey ding dongs, when you own books you will look smart. When you read them, you'll actually be smart. When you save money buying them, you'll be a good looking, smarty pants with some extra ching in your pockets. Put your lazy ass in the car tomorrow and head on up to library at Skidmore College for their annual book sale. Everything from art, literature, philosophy, classics and history will be available for the picking. All proceeds made will go to help some kid go to college for four hard years to help prepare them for a shitty job waiting tables at Applebees. Book sale starts at 9am and goes until 3pm. Bonus points if you fuck in the science section of the library.

It's gonna be a little cramped this weekend in Saratoga

2011-10-13T15:27:00.005-04:00

It's Celebration Weekend at Skidmore College this weekend, which happens to be a fancy way to say Parent Weekend. We're gonna have a lot of out of towners visiting the city to see their kids and in the process, they'll be dropping some serious cashola on the town. So be a good host and play nice. And if you happen to get stuck behind some parents in line at Uncommon Grounds taking their sweet ass time trying to figure out what they want on their bagel, just bite your tongue and count to ten. They'll figure it out eventually.

We go to The Fortunate Cup on West Ave for shits and giggles

2011-10-06T10:40:00.006-04:00

Thanks for the photo Saratogian - much appreciated

Sometimes a change up is a nice thing. Instead of our usual trek to Uncommon Grounds, the IBI staff decided to pack ourselves into Megs 2010 Volvo station wagon and headed on over to The Fortunate Cup on West Ave for coffee. Guess what? We loved it! We would have gone through the drive through, but Meg got nervous that we'd put a scratch on the car. Or as she put it "I'd hate to compromise the Volvo's Caspian Metallic Blue finish for a coffee" - what a snooty bitch. We parked the car in the HUGE lot behind the establishment and walked in and had a great experience. The coffee was great. It felt a little bit like a cafeteria, but no biggie. We even sat down and did actual work related stuff. We are just as shocked as you are. Not about The Fortunate Cup, about us doing actual work.

Former Saratoga resident graces the cover of Juxtapoz magazine

2011-10-03T16:12:00.003-04:00

Who said getting an art degree was a waste of time (dad). Former Saratoga resident Jeremy Fish has made a name for himself with his artwork and now graces the front cover of the October issue of Juxtapoz magazine along with a sweet article on the man. Head to your local newsstand and pick up a copy to read the article. Jeremy has also teamed up with Absolute vodka to create a cool scavenger hunt promotion to win 1 of 10 original pieces of art. Click here for details.

Cupcake Lab vs Betty's Cupcakes - FIGHT!!

2011-10-01T19:32:00.004-04:00

When it comes to cupcakes, there are two places in town that comes to the minds of Saratogians. The Lab (formally The Cupcake Lab) and Betty's Cupcakes. Both serve up cupcakes. Both want to be number one in your heart. We at IBI take the plunge into a battle that is more epic than vampires vs werewolves.

Okay fuck-faces, let's dance......

Facebook

In this world, the more Facebook friends you have, the higher your status of King Shit you are.

The Lab is currently sitting at a decent 1,141 fans
Betty's Cupcake has a staggering 8,127 fans

The proof is in the numbers.

Score: Betty's 1 - The Lab 0

Website

We admit, we judge places by their websites. For example, we're on blogger while places like All Over Albany actually own a domain name. Obviously we are a bunch of cheap fucks. So you get the picture. Websites matter.

The Labs website needs serious work. The navigation is at best clunky and it looks half assed. The color scheme is this weird brown/black which looks butt ass ugly. No offense to anyone who is brown or black.
Betty's website is the complete opposite of The Labs. Just a well thought out website with a great design that is easy to navigate and is fun to browse. You can even order online and set up a pick up days in advance.

Judge a book by its cover. Or in this case, by it's website.

Score: Betty's 2 - The Lab 0

Location

You know the saying - Location, location, location. It matters folks.

The Lab is located off of a back alley with an entrance going through a long hallway. No real "store front". You'd walk right past it if you were new to Saratoga.
Betty's now occupies the old Maestros location on Broadway. This is a no brainer.

Being on Broadway gives Betty's a huge advantage.

Score: Betty's 3 - The Lab 0

Kitschy promotions

People love fun shit - Period!

The Lab has been offering live shows. Not really kitschy or creative, but it's something.
Betty's has this big ass double decker bus, they call Dee Dee that drives around the area selling cupcakes which people fucking love. I mean people flock to that thing like flies to shit. But here's the thing, that bus is a fucking gas guzzling beeyotch. And to make matters worse, Betty's has another gas guzzler they call Cee Cee. So yeah, they got The Lab beat on Kitschy promotions, but in turn they are killing the environment.

My child will have to live underground because of Betty's fucking bus. Global warming is real.

Score: Betty's 3 - The Lab 1

Ambiance

So when my baby was being born, my lady wanted to have Jimmy Buffet playing and all that shit, but I was like fuck that. You are gonna be shouting, you'll be out of your fucking mind crazy, you'll be sweating up a storm and your vag is gonna get all fucked up. We need some serious music with drive and aggression. Some fucking metal. Or some punk rock. She didn't buy any of it. We ended up listening to Jimmy Buffet. Which sucked balls. And to make matters worse, my lady pooped while giving birth. Anyways, ambiance matters.

The Lab has a nice big dining area with some cushions and games. Very comfortable and inviting.
Betty's is a walk in, walk out. Though they do have that outside sitting area. But that's only good in the summer.

The eating area at The Lab is very comfy.

Score: Betty's 3 - The Lab 2

Food (Other than cupcakes)

You cannot live on cupcakes alone. Actually you could. But it would suck balls.

The Lab offers visitors a full menu, which explains why they changed their name from The Cupcake Lab to The Lab. Everything from great sandwiches, to killer.....we mean KILLER mac and cheese. Possibly some of the best mac and cheese you'll ever shove into your pie hole.
Betty's menu is pretty straight forward. Cupcakes, cakes and cookies. Great if you are sweet tooth. But if you are like us, we need more than sweets.

Did we mention the KILLER mac and cheese?

Score: Betty's 3 - The Lab 3

The final battle - The Cupcake

It's come down to this. The score is all tied up and we are at the final battle. The dreaded cupcake battle.

The Lab offers a nice variety of cupcakes that are creative, fun and tasty. The flavors are pretty solid, with the buttercream frostings being a fucking standout. Lemon with lemon buttercream kicked ass. The carrot cake was solid, where the red velvet fell a little flat. All of our samples were a little on the dry side. But we still enjoyed our cakes from The Lab and absolutely loved the buttercream frosting. We were also super psyched to find out they used high quality products in their cupcakes and frostings. We did think they were a bit pricey for the size.
Betty's has a great selection of cupcakes. A huge selection of cupcakes to be exact. We tried the PB Cup, which was awesome and had a lot of peanut butter flavor - there's a reason why its one of their best sellers. The chocolate with vanilla buttercream was a staff favorite, while the red velvet didn't impress us. And like The Lab, all of the cupcakes were dry with exception to the PB Cup. The cupcakes were a little bigger than The Labs, but we still felt they were on the pricey side.

In the end both The Lab and Betty's had great tasting cupcakes. Sadly they both suffered from being a tad dry. Betty's had a little bit of an edge with variety, while The Lab's buttercream was an obvious favorite with the staff. This was a tough category for us and it was hard for us to come up with a obvious winner. But in the end we thought the more superior cupcake belonged to The Lab. Though they didn't have the variety Betty's had, they definitely had a better flavor, and that buttercream frosting was fucking badass.

Score: Betty's 3- The Lab 4

WINNER: THE LAB!!

But don't rely on us. We're assholes who'd rather write this blog than do our regular jobs. Go see for yourself.

ROAD TRIP!!

2011-09-30T15:40:00.004-04:00

Nope, that's not a Gap ad you're looking at. That's the Sam Roberts Band, a sweet little rock group out of Canada. They just so happen to be playing tonight in the land of hot soccer moms, also known as Clifton Park, at Northern Lights. Should be a good show and well worth venturing outside of our Saratoga safety bubble. Tickets are still available at the measly cost of $12.

As for the IBI team, half of us are still down and out with the flu. It could also be gonorrhea, we're not really sure. If you go, look for IBI staffer Shayna. She'll be the drunk one at the bar with a baby strapped to the front of her. There's a good chance she'll say hello by yelling "Suck it bitches!!!!"

Buffalo Bill fans hate Times Union writer Jennifer Gish - call her a pug

2011-09-29T17:26:00.003-04:00

Jennifer Gish

The staff of IBI are all down with the flu and in all honesty, a little bit of laziness. Here's an article from Deadspin.com that caught our eye.

20 Things Angry Buffalo Fans Wrote To A Female Sports Columnist Who Criticized The Bills

Last week, Jennifer Gish—a sportswriter who is a woman—wrote a column for the Albany Times Union that questioned "whether the Bills faithful had a right to demand respect after a 2-0 start." After it was published, some Bills fans wrote to Gish. Here is what they told her (I've taken out the newspaper's demur asterisks and restored the naughty words):

1. "I wish I could lick those smug tears off your face."

2. "...you are some worthless female who does not know anything about sports."

3. "Get some plastic surgery."

4. "...pieces of shit like you...'

5. "WOMEN DONT KNOW FOOTBALL"

6. "Now go write something about your boyfriend brady and his 2-1 Pats"

7. "Your square jaw and pig shaped nose reminds me of a girl who never got to hang out with the athletes in high school because she had snot running down the Crevices of her nostrils spilling down to the corner of her lip."

8. "YOU SUCK DONKEY DICK!"

9. "...you ugly little sleazebag."

10. "Fuck yourself ya stupid Cunt..."

11. "...you really just a dumb, bandwagon slut."

12. "Maybe you should stay in the kitchen next time."

13. "Go fuck yourself."

14. "...fuck you you stupid, arrogant, thoughtless bitch and stick all of your snide Bills comments up your ass."

15. "...my 12 year old kid knows more about football than you do."

16. "...you may want to consider plastic surgery or something, you are one god awful ugly looking female."

17. "we may lose, we may win but you will still be ugly either way."

18. "How about those Bills now you dumbass? You're a female too, what the hell do you know?"

19. "GO TO HELL"

20. "...you attention-starved little pug..."

Bills fans need help keeping it real [Times Union]
Another group deserves respect [Times Union]

Love it or hate it. Here it is

2011-09-28T11:49:00.004-04:00

The official video for Stuff White People Like...I meant Saratoga Springs.

The City of Saratoga Springs just told 148 kids and the Franklin Street Community Center to suck their dicks

2011-09-27T14:26:00.007-04:00

So it's no secret that the Saratoga Lip Dub cost a whopping $25,000.00 to make. After all, it's just $25,000.00 What else could the city do with this money? Right? Oh, I guess they could have made a nice donation to the Franklin Street Community Center, which always could use some help - especially during the holidays when many of our local families are in need. Or I suppose they could of used the cash to, I don't know - create a scholarship for those kids and families who can't afford a membership to the YMCA.

Yeah. Now that I think about it, the city did the right thing by dropping $25,000.00 on this video. Fuck those kids. And Fuck the Franklin Street Community Center.

By the way, $25,000.00 would have purchased 148 year long youth memberships to the local YMCA. Or would have put full Thanksgiving meals onto the tables of roughly 500 Saratoga families.

If you're interested, the Saratoga Lip Dub video will debut this evening at 6pm at SPAC. The admission is free.